February 2009, already!

So, the first month of the year is gone. I can't believe it. Everyday we get older and everyday presents us with something new. God has so many surprises in store for us! He is the real Santa all year long..I mean, He loves us so much that we are going to have a surprise every day of our living life. This weekend was good. Edgar and I went to LA, had fun on Friday night dancing the night away at a place called "L" on Sunset, it was free and the bar tenders were nice and the music was off the hook! It was House music. I danced the night away with complete strangers on the small dim dancefloor. The nice thing about house music is that it does not matter if you dance alone, you are somehow making that connection with the DJ who is connecting with you to continue his spins on the floor. In addition, there was a singer along with the DJ (a first) she was amazing! Her voice was so cool and she sang to her album and walked around the dancefloor pumping us up, it was such good energy. We danced until the last song, until the lights at "L" went on bright, until the DJ stopped the music! Edgar really like the vibe, and told the singer that she rocked...she thanks us graciously and told me to come back with that energy on the dancefloor. House music is so amazing and peaceful!

On Saturday morning we went to breakfast with my mom and had our usual fix of chilaquiles verdes at Don Chentes. We then headed on a quick trip to Long Beach to visit the Villa-Quinteros. We love them. We all mesh so well. Lilly is a sweetheart, Jorge (my LBCC college buddy) is our hermano, and their babies,,,oh their babies! Just beautiful! Isabella is 2 and ever so so cute! And Sophia is about 6 months, chunky and cute as a button. I held her and we were so comfortable with eachother. Edgar and I always look forward to seeing them because, they are true good friends. Simple and hard working. Isabella showed us her "casita" a cool motor home that they bought for travelling. I know that Jorge loves to travel, and I am glad Lilly loves it too. So every time we go visit them or see them, they always give us a gift. That is just the nicest thing anyone could ever do, but I always have to wonder why?


After the Villa-Q's ,we went to pick up my mom and headed to the other end of L.A. in Pasadena...it was a crazy drive. And I guess that is why we sometimes won't tell people we are going to L.A., we simply can't visit everyone. And we end up getting home extremely exhausted. But visiting family is good. We have to. And we want to. We love getting a doseage of pure love from our nieces and nephews. Especially Valerie, the baby...she is too cute! Green eyes and all..that little rascal! And, I know that Edgar needs to be updated on issues concerning the family. Like his dad, it looks like all those years of chain smoking finally caught up to him, he has been detected with some kind of cancer. I think that some of this also has to do with life. Edgar is still very hurt over the way his dad treated him all those years after his mom died. The one person that could have made a difference in Edgar's life, destroyed it and humiliated him on top of it. I pray that Edgar can forgive his dad and continues to live a life full of love with me and his future children. I know Edgar will be a wonderful dad. So, that is the latest news with his family. And of course, the rest of the time, we talk about Mariana's Quincian~era. The food, the hall, the date change, the decorations, the dresses etc..And of course, we never come to any full agreements or conclusions. I can just see us working hard that last month before everything happens. And, in reality, that is the way it all works!

My mom sits alongside the Bautistas and is entertained. She loves to hang out with Edgar's sisters and listen to them. They love my mom and she loves them. And we sometimes get news that they only confide in my mom to tell her.

That's all folks, til next time...

Finished reading "Forever Lily"

I actually finished a book this time. Perhaps it was because of what I am going through in my life right now that completely related to the subject of the book, and perhaps because I challenged myself to finish a book! Forever Lily was a story about a woman that accompanied her friend to China to adopt a chinese baby. Only to have the friend at the end to be the one who keeps and adopts the baby, who is named only until the end of the book, as Lily. The author describes the entire 6 or 7 day trip to China. It was literally a roller coaster for her as her friend decides to change her mind about giving her the baby after she had already had a blessing from her husband to accept this baby. In the end, and through a series of dreams, visions and symbolic incidents, she gets to keep Lily and detach herself from this woman who keeps changing her mind about keeping the baby, as if it were a pair of shoes! I loved reading the book (which took me 3 days) and related to wanting to adopt and worrying about the process. Edgar and I will be married for 12 years this March 27th ,and we have not been able to conceive. I have a condition called PCOS which prevents any normalcy in my periods or ovulation. It has been hard accepting this, since, by now, we should probably have four or five kids! Nevertheless, I know and keep praying to God to send us a child. I know that He is preparing someone very special for us. I think that me picking up this book randomly at the 99 cents store was no accident. That book was waiting for me to pick it up. I read the back cover and immediately decided that it would come with me. Last night, as we left church, we came to a stop sign and crossing the street was a pregnant woman and her husband. I sort of chuckled and thought about the book and my destiny to be a mother. I was also going through some emotion because Edgar's body language in church is so so negative. He slouches, and pretends to rest his head on my shoulder (it agitates me!) Then, I started crying. I was crying because every time I see a pregnant woman, I feel sudden happiness for her (as if I was the one who was pregnant) and I also feel a bit of jealousy. I almost want to analyze them and search for the answer in getting pregnant. What am I doing differently? Then I think about the Lord, and how He has a plan for each one of us. How only He knows when and how. And I accept that and respect that and immediately ask for forgiveness for the part of me that feels jealous. It's completely wrong, I know. I also think, what if I had another husband? Would my situation be different, better? I think about how much of a great husband Edgar is, so understanding and loving...and had he been with me only for a child, he would have left me a long time ago. As Edgar notices my crying he calms me down as only he knows how. I begin to think of how selfish I am, as we just found out that his dad might have cancer. It's always something with our families. And surprisingly, when Edgar heard the news, he was very worried. He called his family in LA and Mexico. I started thinking that I was not going to shop for fun for a while because we might have to send money for his dad very soon. The sad thing is, Edgar has a little sister. A sister who was born outside the marriage many years after his mom died. The little girl must be about one year old. The mother is from Oaxaca and lives with Edgar's dad. Edgar's relationship with this dad was severed when his mother died at age 13. His dad mistreated Edgar and scarred Edgar for life. Edgar says that he has not father, yet at the rise of these news, he is the first one concerned. His brother Pancho did not even want to get medical insurance for his dad, his beloved dad for which he is not talking to Edgar right now. So, Edgar is calling his sisters in LA to alert them about the possibility of the need to send money soon.

It's very interesting how we are tested. How the things we think will not affect us, do in a more profound way. I pray for patience and understanding in accepting my condition to not conceive. Will I ever?

Today, I pray that Edgar's dad gets better and that God grant me the strength to continue a spiritual path that leads to being a good servant to God. I pray for all of our families and for all of the children in the world who are abandoned that they find someone who cares for them and loves them as the author did for Lily.

Countdown to a job...

I have been unemployed since October of 2008. But nothing will change a moment in history as was yesterday, the inauguration of President Barack Obama. I was glued to the TV since 7am. The only time I was able to unglue myself from the TV was from 4:45-7:15pm when I went to teach ESL at Sherman. Then, back to the tube. It was a historical day! Today we all wake up to a new Presidential administration and there is a lot of fresh air to breathe in America. We breathe an air of freedom and liberty, foundations that our forefathers brought to this country at one time. President Obama is the first African American to be elected to the highest office. I know Dr. King is having a party in heaven with his wife Corretta....and with Cesar Chavez too....okay, and Gandhi! President Obama represents what so many colored people felt was not possible. He is the President of the United States of America. To me, this means that we will now have a President that is sympathetic to the needs of urban America, the needs of the barrio and common people. His cabinet is composed of some amazing leaders that will get the job done and will reform education, health-care, immigration, and THE ECONOMY. I am glad to see the Bush era disappear, the moment Bush boarded that helicopter, there was a sigh of relief from my part. I mean, how could all this damage to our economy be caused by ONE man. Well, it did! Just as one person can make a difference, one person can also make the "in-diff-erent." As our new President wakes up to a new day, so is America alongside him. We are ready to roll up our sleeves and get to work for our beautiful free world ...that is America. May God trully bless President Obama, his wife Michelle and two daughters to lead this country to regain consciouseness of why we are here as Americans.

So, being unemployed worries me little. I am enjoying my time off and I am concentrating on other things that make me happy. And, I continue looking for a job. Yet, deep in my heart, I know that I have a lot of work to do especially if I have big goals. I have made it a personal goal (in 2008) that I would like to have my own community center. I give myself ten years to do it. I want to really begin this journey this year as I enter my third year of service to the Sherman Hts. Comm Ctr. in downtown SD. I was lucky to have finished a Masters degree at New College of CA in SF in Humanities and Leadership. I think that I would now like to pursue my PhD, but need a job to do that first. Or do I?

I would like to finish this application to apply for 501-c 3 status as my own non-profit organization. What a dream come true that could be! I would be able to apply for grants and get donations made to my organization. I will do a part of the app every week. That is my committment. I know that God will give me the organization once I get my butt to work. I pray that I am enlightened and inspired to finish this application soon. In Jesus name, Amen.